Babes In Spyland Reboot?
I’ve been poking at the idea of rebooting my Babes in Spyland story.
I’ve always wanted to write more in this universe. Like, I have dozens of story arcs that include humor and action, along with some killer character development. But I’ve never thought there was a market for it, so it’s been sitting on my computer doing nothing but taking up space.
Babes was the first thing I ever officially published, and while I still think it’s hilarious, the writing (which is more than a decade old) is cringy at best.
So I’ve been editing the first season.
I may end up publishing it again, reading it on YouTube, and expanding the story. Or I might put it back on my computer and leave it there.
Either way, I thought it might be fun to see a before and after for the first 300ish words of the story.
Here’s the old version: (Heaven help me, this is in print)
Chapter 1 (Old)
“For now your name will be Agent Smith,” Super Secret Supervisor Mud said, handing over a shiny badge with the letters SSA looming over what looked like a cartoon man with a finger to his lips.
“Agent Smith?” she asked, taking the badge and wondering what she’d gotten herself into.
The Supervisor turned and started down the hall. “Yes. Your old name means nothing here, and until your new name surfaces, you will be known as Agent Smith.”
She—Agent Smith—tried to keep her eyebrows from scrunching together as she hurried to catch up and issued the proper response. “Yes, ma’am.”
The supervisor flinched, her long face screwing up in a look of displeasure. “Mud will do.”
Agent Smith nodded. New jobs were always so much fun. She followed Supervisor Mud down a bleak, bland hall. So far every hall they’d come through looked exactly the same—beige walls, white ceilings, and dull, worn carpet. Although up ahead she saw that the carpet changed color from pale brown to baby blue with a light, swirling pattern.
“Office area,” Mud said, waving her hand as they passed over the color change.
Agent Smith leaned her head away from the gesture. Everything about Supervisor Mud said tall, including long arms, long legs, and long brown hair. It didn’t help that Agent Smith had to stand up straight to get to the five foot four inch mark. That’s why she usually wore heels. That and they made her legs look fantastic.
***
While I could say I was going for a certain style, that would be a lie. It’s not unreadable, but it feels rushed and incomplete.
Here’s the new version: (Keep in mind that I haven’t given it a heavy edit since I rewrote it, so there could be issues)
Chapter 1 (New)
“Until further notice, you will be known as Agent Smith.”
“Agent Smith?” She hadn’t realized her transfer to the Super Secret Agency would come with a name change.
Super Secret Supervisor Mud held out a shiny silver badge with the letters SSA looming over a cartoon man with a finger to his lips. “Correct.”
She took the badge. Maybe this was a joke. Or a newbie thing. The guys at the FBI had warned her that the mysterious SSA was quirky.
“Your old name means nothing here, and until a new one surfaces, you will be called Agent Smith.”
She—Agent Smith—tried to keep her eyebrows from scrunching together. Right now the term quirky seemed like a gross understatement. “Yes, ma’am.”
Supervisor Mud wore a loose, dark blue pant suit with a cream blouse and practical black flats. Everything about the woman said tall, including long arms, long legs, and long brown hair. It didn’t help that Agent Smith had to stand up straight to get to the five-foot four-inch mark. That’s why she usually wore heels. That and they made her legs look fantastic.
The supervisor flinched at the use of ‘ma’am’, and her long face screwed up in a look of displeasure. “Supervisor or Mud will do.”
Agent Smith barely kept herself from saying, “Yes ma’am” again—old habits die hard—and nodded.
“The badge is your ID card. Without it you won’t be able to get into the building or any of the systems.” Mud offered Agent Smith a phone. “This is preprogrammed with your biometrics. All of your assignments, missions, orders, and emergencies will come through it.”
They’d had Agent Smith give so many bodily fluid samples that she wondered if she could pee on the device to unlock it.
***
Cell phones have come a long way since I first wrote this story, so I’ve updated it to reflect the technology level of today, not more than ten years ago.
I’m still not sure it’s right, but I think the new version is an improvement.
Editing twelve chapters is going to take a while, and who knows what will happen with it, but it’s been fun!
Does anyone even remember Babes in Spyland?
