A Revelation of Sorts
I just figured something out.
I just realized why being a creative is so hard.
At least for me.
Let’s back up. I actually like working hard, and the reason I like working hard is because I love to see the results of said work. To reap the rewards, so to speak.

When I’m the person mowing the lawn, I draw great satisfaction from the way my yard looks after I’m finished. I love to go back and forth seeing the part that’s long becoming what I want it to be.
My in-laws have a piece of property that they’re trying to make into a farm. Unless it’s freakishly hot outside, which is when I pretty much shut down, I like going out there to complete projects. Pouring concrete sucks, but it’s kind of fun to do together, and when we have a nice cement pad to show for our trouble, I feel like the work was worth it.
Back to creating, or in my case, writing.
Lately, I’ve been struggling to write. There are a myriad of reasons for this, which I won’t go into here, but one of them is because all of the hard work I pour into a book doesn’t guarantee that the book will succeed.

Sure, the book gets finished and published and there is some satisfaction with that.
However, writing is my job. It’s my business. True success would be making money on my books.
Which I’m doing. So why am I unsatisfied?
I’ve been writing full-time for six-ish years. I work hard, always improving my craft, and I produce solid books. For the most part, I get good reviews.
Are there things I could do better? Absolutely (I’m looking at you, marketing), but in general, I’m living the dream.
Except…that I don’t really see the fruit of my labors. I don’t see the emotional impact that my books have on people.

I see my sales numbers, which indicate people are reading my books, but I haven’t cultivated a fan base that talks to me. That’s probably my bad, and it’s left me in this weird limbo where I feel like I’m just writing for myself, and it’s not as fun as it used to be.
I want to be able to see the impact my books have on people. I want to know if they laughed or cried or both during an emotional scene, and I want to know if they came away from the story seeing the world with a slightly new perspective, even if what they were reading was a RomCom.
Do all creatives feel this way? Are we all supposed to create art that makes us happy and that’s it? What if that’s no longer as satisfying as it once was? Is that a me problem?
I’m still looking for this answer.




















