Babes in Spyland is Here!

Babes in Spyland is Here!

Tags : New Release

If you’re having a bad day, or even if you just need a laugh, check out my Babes in Spyland YouTube channel!

The first three episodes of season one are up, and read by…me.

That’s right, you get to listen to my *cough* melodious voice narrate this story!

Right now it’s only on YouTube, but I’m in the midst of setting up a Patreon account for anyone who wants to donate toward Babes and get ad-free audio! (Among many other things.)

The ebooks and paperbacks for each season will eventually be available to purchase online, but until then, go check it out. 🙂

Click here to listen to Episode 1

You can read the first few pages below!

Episode 1

“Until further notice, you will be known as Agent Smith.”
“Agent Smith?” The three days of Super Secret Agency training had mentioned a new name, but she’d expected something more like Jane Bland or Double-Oh-Heaven.
Super Secret Supervisor Mud held out a shiny silver badge with the letters SSA looming over a cartoon man with a finger to his lips. “That is correct, Agent Smith.”
She took the badge. Maybe this was a joke. Or a newbie thing. The guys at the FBI had warned her that the mysterious SSA was quirky.
“Your time at the bureau, especially in the profiling department, will have prepared you for some of what goes on here, but certainly not everything. Keep an open mind, and remember that your old name means nothing now, and until a new one surfaces, you will be called Agent Smith.”
She—Agent Smith—tried to keep her eyebrows from scrunching together. Right now, the term “quirky” seemed like a gross understatement. “Yes, ma’am.”
The supervisor flinched at the use of ‘ma’am’, and her long face screwed up in a look of displeasure. “Supervisor or Mud will do.”
Agent Smith barely kept herself from saying, “Yes ma’am” again—old habits die hard—and nodded.
Everything about Supervisor Mud said tall, including long arms, long legs, and long brown hair. It didn’t help that Agent Smith had to stand up straight to get to the five-foot four-inch mark. That’s why she usually wore heels. That, and they made her legs look fantastic.
On the other hand, Supervisor Mud wore practical black flats paired with a dark blue pant suit and a cream blouse. She pointed. “The badge is your ID card. Without it you won’t be able to get into the building or any of the systems.” Mud then offered Agent Smith a phone. “This is preprogrammed with your biometrics. All of your assignments, missions, orders, and emergencies will come through it.”
They’d had Agent Smith give so many bodily fluid samples that she wondered if she could pee on the device to unlock it.
Agent Smith went to take the phone, but Supervisor Mud pulled it away like an annoying teenage boy playing a joke, only there was no mirth in the supervisor’s blue eyes. “Do not lose it.”
“No, ma’am.” Agent Smith made a face. “I mean, Supervisor Mud.”
Mud gave her a flat look before she turned and started walking.
Yay for the first day on a new job. It was like a full-moon Friday the thirteenth on ten cups of coffee.
Agent Smith followed Supervisor Mud down a bleak, bland hall. So far, every corridor they’d come through looked exactly the same—beige walls, white ceilings, and dull, worn carpet. Although, up ahead she saw that the carpet changed color from pale brown to baby blue with a light, swirling pattern.
“Office area,” Mud said, waving her hand as they passed over the color switch.
Two men—one dark skinned and one with blond hair—in fashionable but durable suits approached. Agent Smith didn’t miss one of them giving her exposed calves an appreciative glance.
“Gentlemen,” Supervisor Mud said as they passed.
“Mud,” they said in unison.
Agent Smith smiled as they went by, knowing her red lipstick was in perfect order. She expected Mud to make introductions, but they kept moving. “I’m afraid I’m on a tight schedule today and don’t have time to take you through the entire orientation process. Your partner should be in her office. I’ll drop you off and give the two of you your first assignment.”
They passed several doors that bore tarnished, brass name plates engraved with the words Black Turtle, Water Sprite, and Bed Head.
Bed Head? What was this, the department of bad names?
Her befuddlement left her distracted, so when Supervisor Mud suddenly stopped, Agent Smith almost plowed right into her boss. She called on all her core strength to stay exactly where she was and not topple forward.
Gesturing at the nearest door, Mud’s thin lips turned up into what could only loosely be called a smile. “This is your office.”
“Oh,” Agent Smith said with a smile of her own, taking a nonchalant step back. “Great.”
A yellow Post-it note covered the name plate and fluttered as Mud knocked. Scrawled in thick, black lines, the words “You are here” sat over a black arrow pointing at the floor. The remainder of the post-it note was covered with a grinning, cyclops smiley face and artistic flowers.
They waited.
Supervisor Mud checked her phone, which Agent Smith noticed was an old flip style.
Another set of agents walked behind them but said nothing.
After ten seconds of silence, Mud scowled and knocked again, this time with more gusto.
The sound of jogging feet came through the wood. The door swung inward part way, revealing a tall, muscular woman with medium brown skin and long, dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. She wore deep blue jeans, a white button-down shirt, and a navy blazer along with black Mary Jane shoes. “Oh, hey, Mud,” the woman said with a bright smile.
“Agent Amphibian Queen,” the Supervisor said stiffly. “Is Milkshakes here? I tried calling, but no one answered.”
Amphibian Queen turned her eyes on Agent Smith. “Is this our newbie?”
“Agent Smith,” Mud said, staring at Amphibian Queen. “Is Milkshakes in?”
“She’s, uh…” Amphibian Queen didn’t get to finish.
The theme song from Implausible Assignment started to play.
“Blast.” Mud glanced at the caller ID. “I have to take this.” She looked at Amphibian Queen. “Find Milkshakes, deliver Agent Smith, and give her this.”
A nondescript white envelope appeared in Mud’s hand. Amphibian Queen took it.
Mud gave Agent Smith a nod, stepped away, and flipped her phone open. “Update?”
Agent Smith watched Mud hurry back down the hall before returning her attention to the door.
“Smith?” Amphibian Queen raised her eyebrows.
Agent Smith shrugged. “I guess.”
“You’d think the most brilliant minds in the country could come up with something more original.”

One last time…click here to listen to the rest of the first episode.