Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Review
Albus Dumbledore assigns Newt and his allies with a mission related to the rising power of Grindelwald.
Why did I come to this movie again?
We went to see this movie because it was the only one that worked among my friends and I who wanted to go. I didn’t love the first one, the hubby and I just watched that hot mess that was #2 in the series. Needless to say I wasn’t super excited to be there.
I honestly don’t usually rate movies that I don’t like, but this franchise irritated me in a few ways, so it’s getting my wrath.
3 of 5
Characters
Even after watching the second one just a few weeks before seeing this one, I was totally confused about who half of the people were, why they were there, and why I should care.
Newt, Dumbledore, Jacob, Queenie and Theseus I got. The others, not so much. I’m still confused as to what was so important about Credence. Pretty sure that was covered in the first film, but seriously, help a girl out. I can barely remember what happened to me yesterday.
The movie bounced between so many characters that I stopped trying to keep everything in my head, which is a bad sign. All I looked forward to was seeing what happened with Jacob and Queenie.
Newt is supposed to carry the story, but the writers haven’t given him the chance.
3 of 5
Did I care what happened?
Not so much. The only characters I was invested in were Jacob and Queenie. Maybe Dumbledore, but that’s only because Jude Law (who I have a weakness for) was playing him.
The whole election process seemed extremely dumb, so I wasn’t even invested in that.
3 of 5
Plot Holes
These films are riddled with plot holes. Unlike a comic movie—where I expect and can dismiss some of them—this film didn’t make up for the hole in other areas enough for me to forgive them.
Let’s see, there was the zombie deer, the killer crustaceans, the love everyone had for Grindelwald (a known murderer), bringing Jacob—the token Muggle—along for the ride even though he’s an easy target, chaos theory that made the movie all but unfollowable, new characters on top of new characters (because that’s what every movie needs isa bigger cast, family drama, and much, much more.
3 of 5
How many times did I yawn?
I didn’t yawn myself, but my friend next to me did. Pretty sure she was asleep at one point. It’s hard to be invested in a movie, even one that looks as good as this one, if you don’t care about the characters or anything else.
3 of 5
Cool Factor
Besides the crustacean dance, that didn’t need to be in there at all, the visuals and artistic quality of the movie was good.
4 of 5
The End
The good guys win. Ish. Somehow Dumbledore fixes his problem with Grindelwald, which wasn’t really explained. My favorite couple gets their happily ever after. That last bit was all I cared about.
3 of 5
Overall Enjoyment
I will never watch these movies again. Although it was fun to see it in the theater for the spectacle of it all.
3 of 5
Total: 25
That’s a Purple Belt.
White Belt: 1-10
Yellow Belt: 11-19
Purple Belt: 20-25
Green Belt: 26-30
Brown Belt: 31-35
Black Belt: 36-40
